I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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