Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
