Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
