How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
