I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
So squirting runs in the family.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
