; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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