She is in my trunk
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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