OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
