my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
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im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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