The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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