I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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