i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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