This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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