Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
