This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
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