When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
