***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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