I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you traded sex for a burrito?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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