I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
