I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
