what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
