I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
