Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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