ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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