the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
