yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
