An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
