guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
