honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
