note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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