walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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