Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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