I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
