I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I look better un-naked...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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