hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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