im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
it was like eating out sand paper
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
