Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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