btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
