If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
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