so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
