You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
