I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
handjob tips. give me some.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
