It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
