He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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