2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
