Umm I'm too high to move.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
