ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
