Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I can't put those talents on a resume
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
