Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
