I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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