Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
