They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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