I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
