Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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