i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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