I think my vagina is haunted
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
