People in love make me want to vomit
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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