i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
My life is pants optional.
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