I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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