Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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