I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
