I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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