Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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