fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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