Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
