I want to have your abortion
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
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Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
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Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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