I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
