I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
