I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I have post one night stand depression
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