Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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