i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
