your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
How external is "for external use only"?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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