I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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